the things we don't think about
by Lady-in-Waiting Kat
Summary: Alec remembers how it all happened
1. part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dark Angel characters but the others are mine so no copying. K?

Summary: it all happened so fast and now when the world has calmed and everything is different what am I suppose to do?

Paring: m/a

A/N: I haven't written any thing 4 a long time so be nice. Ty ^.^

    A small delicate woman sits up in a white-sheeted bed. The mattress is lumpy and the sheets are thin but she doesn't mine. Her thin face stares down at a small bundle in her arms. The brightly colored fabric is almost a cruel joke to this heart broken woman as she hugs the limp bundle tighter to her chest. Tears which have been held back now fall unchecked from her eyes.

      Max holds her lifeless son to her chest as her emotions run wild over her face. Her body quakes as the sobs grow heaver and she looses her self deeper into loneliness. 

       Off to the side stands a lean man with his arms folded over his chest. His dark hazel eyes are fixated on his sneakers as he stands off to the side completely at a loss of words for the first time in his life. 

        The air in the room is heavy with remorse for the small sole who was lost before either had even know it was there. The X5 moved from his spot next to the door drifting stiffly over to Max. His eyes told the story he could not. With in them Max found some comfort. 

         Alec wrapped one of his arms underneath Max's arms which supported the limp child. The other came to in circle her waist. Her sobs lessened as he pulled her into his strongly built chest. Her teary almond eyes looked up at him imploringly all he could do was to pull her closer.

       "I'm sorry Maxie." He whispered softly into her ear. 

        Alec thought back to how it had all started 9 whole months ago. His eyes slid closed and he let him self remember all that had happened, all that he had tried to forget. Right now it didn't care.

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     Max sat curled up in her chair in Terminal city H.Q. behind her desk she felt safe and calm. She was in charge after all. Her eyes slid over the piles of papers in front of her and her mood dropped. ' Why do I have to do all of this?!?' she thought angrily.

     Max leaned forward stretching her back enjoying the snap of her spine, her cat DNA apparent in her every movement. Restlessly she squared in her seat not knowing what was bothering her. 

      Max picked up a paper from on top of the stack and began skimming over it. After a second she set it aside giving up before she had even began. She got up from her chair and began to pace the room. 

     Alec sniffed the air around him sensing something different then from the moment before. After only a moment he knew what it was 'a female close by was in heat.' **Max. **His mind screamed as it went into overdrive. Before thinking Alec stepped closer to her office his muscles harding with every step closer. The pheromones coming off Max dragged him closer and closer to the wooden door. His mind became cloudy as he reached out a hand for the doorknob only a few inches away.

    ' O god I'm in heat' she realized as the door was flung open to reveal a lustfully driven Alec. Max had a last jolt of reality before her heat driven mind took over. 'Logan' she thought frightfully.

       " Alec." She purred softly losing herself. Alec stalked over to her his hazel eyes clouded from her pheromones.

       "Max." He growled. The name woke something within him. She didn't belong to him half of his mind screamed while the other tried to convince him that it would be all right. " You don't want this." He tried.

        " Yes I do Alec, why wouldn't I?" She questioned while coming over to him.

         He looked away from her trying to hold on to his line of thought. " Because you'd hate me when it was over." He said.

         Max looked at him confused for a moment, "Now why would you think that Alec? Your all I ever wanted."

          Max tried to think of a reason why she wouldn't want to be with Alec but her heat-clouded mind wouldn't supply one. 

           " No I'm not Max," he yelled. 'Did she just say she wanted he?' he asked himself silently. ' No! Pull your self together.' " Max you don't want me not likes this. Not like this he repeated.

            " Put I do. Stop saying no Alec and show me what you brag about all the time." Max walked closer to Alec as he took another step backwards finding him self up against a wall. She ran her hot fingers over his chest. Alec looked down at her and nearly lost himself in her beautiful eyes. 

           " Max No!" He yelled while pushing her away. She looked up at him from her new stop on the floor anger rose in her eyes but quickly vanished. " Alec why did you push me?" She asked with a slight pout.

             Alec ran his had through his hair wondering why also. He had never before wanted to resist heat so badly but _why_. Why now and not the other times. He let out a breath he hadn't know he'd been holding. Just then an idea sparked within his head. 

            One look in her eyes told him he had to do it no matter what. Besides he told himself she really didn't want him after all. Alec took a step towards her and before he knew it she was back onto her feet. He felt her heated up body only mere centimeters away. Quickly before he lost the nerve he reached out a hand and wrapped it around her neck finding a special pressure point. In a second she was out.

            Alec watched as she slumped to the floor still trying to figure out why he had done it. He didn't know why.

            Mole chose this moment to open the door. " Need any help?" He asked between cigar puffs. 

             " Yep,"Alec ran a nervous hand through his dirty blond hair. "Take her over to the isolation ward. She's in heat." Alec explained. Mole gave him funny look before picking her up and taking her away. Alec slumped against the wall sliding down to the floor. Why had he denied her? (Because you care for her) a small voice told him. He groaned that couldn't be it. Could it? Alec shook his head not believing it at all. He didn't care for Max. Bitchy Max who blamed everything on him. He laughed it off and then got to his feet.

A/N: so what do you think? Should I go on?


	2. part 2

Disclaimer: I'm poor I mean I don't even have a dollar to my name so if u sue me all you'll be getting is my CD collection, my cat, and my sibs. Please at least take some pity on my and leave my cat. (I don't own nothing)

Summary: Alec remembers what happened nearly a year ago. He remembers how his world and everyone else's changed. But most of all he thinks about think about _the things we don't_

Paring: M/A

A/N: ty for all the ppl who reviewed and to my friends and family for being supportive and helping me. Maybe this time I'll get past the third chapter in one of my stories.

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Part 2: after heat

    Alec sat alone in his apartment in T.C. thinking things over. The world had gone from clear to cloudy in a matter of hours but then again when had his life ever made any since. He holds his head in his callused hands as he thinks things out. 

  'Max's baby is dead.' The phrase repeats itself endlessly in his mottled mind. 'and I couldn't do anything to save it.' Follows soon after. Alec sighs before rubbing his eyes.

   A quite knock at the door is ignored but the person on the other side is persistent finally causing Alec to get up reluctantly and answer it. On the other side of the rotted wooden door stands Mole. The large lizard man brushes past Alec without so much as a hello. After dropping down onto the sofa near Alec's door he talks.

    "I heard about the kid." Mole watches as Alec's eyes slid shut as to hide his feelings. " Hey man don't beat yourself up about it, it wasn't even your kid."

     " You don't get it Mole. That didn't matter to me I told max I would take care of both her and the baby and I failed."

      An uncomfortable silence drifted between them as they thought. "You really do love her don't you?" Mole asks after a moment.

      "Yes and I always will." Alec answers as his mind drifts back to the source of the feelings. Almost an entire year ago….

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       Max paced her the small space allotted to her in the isolation ward. Back and forth back and forth her heat fueling her, causing her to become agitated. Her long brunette hair trailed behind her as she walked endlessly back and forth.

    From the sidelines a X5 female watched with each lap she became sicker until she finally spoke up.

      "Max stop it!" She screams. "If you don't stop I'm gonna be sick for you." She explained after getting the other x5's attention.

       " I'm sorry Cherry." Max replies. " I just can't stay still." 

        The red head looked at Max for a moment. " I know what you mean but _please _try laying off on the pacing. The last thing we need is an express route to china."

        Despite her self and the situation max smiled before sitting down. "No promises though."

        " I can life with that." Cherry laughs.

-----------------------------------Somewhere else in TC---------------------------------------------

       " Hey Alec man head you got jumped again this morning." Sid said as he lightly punched his friend's arm. 

        "What can I say I am a lady's magnet." Alec's trademark grin falling into place.

        " Yeah but I also heard that you knocked her out." Sid leaned in closer to the other man. Alec looked his long time friend over.

         " Yep I did." Sid's eyes grew wider then the eyes of a gold fish left out in the sun.

         " Why?" The slightly shorter man asked aghast. Alec shrugged.

           " I don't really know why." He answered truthfully. Sid starred at him a while more before shacking his head.

            " I still don't understand you man." 

           " Neither do I." Alec muttered to his glass of scotch. 

        One of the first things the citizens of TC did when they were closed in nearly three months ago was to make a bar. It seemed almost all the tangencies had relied on alcohol it some way or form during their time free for Manticore. Even if it handed gotten them drunk (which it can't) it didn't stop them from enjoying a few drinks every now and then. Because of this _radioactive_ had so lovingly been named. 

            "So Alec who was she?" Sid asked before taking a big sip out of his mug of beer. 

            " Who was who?" Alec asked pretending not to know what Sid had meant. 

            " You know what I mean man, but if I have to spell it out who was the girl that jumped your ass this time?"  Alec breathed deeply in to his shot glass.

             " Max." Alec answered so softly that Sid barely caught what he said. The raven-haired man spit out his drink all over the bar in front of him.

              "Max?" he gasped. Sid didn't notice the fascination Alec had acquired with his glass as he mumbled to himself.

              " What did you think she never went in to heat?" Alec asked the other man.     

              " You may think I'm dumb but yes." Sid answered still not grasping what Alec had said. " Man I can't believe you turned down Max. And don't lie 'cuz I've seen the way you look at her man. You got a thing for her."

                Now it was Alec's turn to be surprised. " No I don't. Where the hell did you get that from?" Sid shock his head almost sadly                                                     

              " When you finally see it at lotta things will make since to you but until then." Sid got up from his seat at the bar. " I'll talk to ya later."

              "Later." Alec said absently. His mind had gone into hipper drive after the comment Sid had made. The man could be slow but he was a watcher after all. And Sid saw all as he had told his friends a thousand and one times.

             'Could he be right?' Alec asked him self. 'Gnaw Max is my psycho twin's sister.' He told him self quickly dismissing the idea. 'But why did I stop her then?'

             Suddenly needing to know something Alec jumped up leaving his scotch unfinished. Todd, the trannie, behind the bar watched the guy leave in utter bafflement. Deciding against prying into the second in command's life Todd just shrugged it off.

          Alec ran all the way from _radioactive_ to Joshua's studio near to the cafeteria. The familiar smell of pain filled his nostrils as the upset transgenic barged in. Joshua turned around just as Alec took a step into the artist's apartment. 

        "Why you here medium fella?" The friendly giant asked innocently.

        " I gotta ask you something Josh." Alec said slightly out of breath. 

         " What is it?" The dog man asked waving his pain brush around in the air splattering green pain all over the mess studio.

           " Josh do you think I have a thing for Max?" Alec asked his big friend. The lovable dog man tilted his head to one side as if studying the smaller man. 

           "What do you think?" He replied after some though. " I can't tell you that is your hearts job." The dog man answers thoughtfully.

            " I don't know if my heart works any more big fella." Alec looks sadly at the floor remembering his first love Rachel. " And I'm not sure I want it to."

              " It hurts but you have to move on to." The big guy says looking back at his painting.  Alec knows that Joshua also lost his love and can see what he means. For some reason it's easier to believe some thing some one says who has actually gone through what you have. Alec sighs deeply.

               " Your right." He admits.

               "So," Joshua prompts, " Do medium fella's heart tell?"

               " I don't know." Alec answers rubbing the bridge of his nose. " I don't know what it says any more. I haven't know for a long time."  

A/N: So how did you like it? I know it didn't tell you much but… there is always next time. Sooo… **please review!**


	3. part 3

Disclaimer: do I have to do this every time…..I don't own nothing happy now!

Summary: Alec remembers the events leading up to a child's death.

Paring: M/A

A/N: I've been on vacation for a while so….sorry for the wait.  I hope you enjoy and here it goes………..

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       Tears ran endlessly down the smooth cheeks of a young mother. Only a few hours ago she had been happily looking forward to the birth of her first child. The happy time was shattered just like her life. Max's heart lay deep within her after loosing yet another person close to her. Only this time it was her son. 

     Alec had stayed with her for a while but like the others he left when the doctor told him to go. Someone had to be at T.C. during this tense time after all. And right now it couldn't be her.

         Max's eyes striated over to the small proto crib, which held the cause of her pain. The still bundle gripped at her broken heart and pulled. A new wave of tears dampened her tan cheeks. 

            The young women cried in mourning to her lost child but also for all those whom she had lost. Her first family, Tanga, Brin, Ben, Seth, and all the others that she had never seen. Then she thought about the kind mother who had taken her in upon request from her daughter so near to the escape. She remembered leaving them and them joining her next family the Chinese Clan which she had also abounded after putting them in danger. 

            " I'm a poison killing ever one that I love." She whispered remembering Renfro's words from so long ago. " And now I've killed my own child." The words barely left her lips before even more tears filled her eyes. " It's all my fault."  

            Max buried her face in her hands as she drifted back through the months to the very beginning of this whole problem. 

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         " Hey Alec so glad you could join us this fine morning." Joe teased from the command center. 

          " Yeah, yeah." The X5 replied sinking into a seat. The T.C. leaders glanced at him each in turn before facing Joe who had started the meeting this morning. 

          Alec didn't hear a word of what the others said as they went over the problems that needed solving in T.C. and how to fix them. He was in his own little world still wrapped up in his thoughts from the night before. 'What does my heart tell me?' He asked himself yet again.

            "Hey Alec! Earth to Alec!" Joe waved his hand in front of the other man's face as to draw his attention back to the meeting.

            "What." Alec asked after snapping out of his thoughts.

             The little group laughed. " Hey Alec how's the planning for that heist we need the money from coming?" Joe asked amusement clear in his face.

              " It's done all I need is a team."  Alec answered.

              " How many?" Mole asked from his perch in the corner.

                " Only one other besides myself." Alec explained. The lizard man nodded. 

                " You got anyone in mind?" He asked gruffly.

                    " Yep, just gotta ask." Alec looked across the table at one of the able bodied young tanginess. " So Joe do you wanna go on a heist?" Alec asked.

                    " Do you even gotta ask." The green haired man answered with a trace of a smile on his lips.

                      " Hold it hot shot."  A voice spoke up. " If you haven't forgotten already. I need you here solider boy." A round-bellied female said.

                        "Oops! Sorry man but Tina's right.  Your gonna have to find some one else." Pleased by what her mate had replied the bright eyed lady moved on with her paper work to deliver.

                       " She's got you on a short leash." Alec observed. 

                      " You could say that." Joe replied while cocking an eyebrow. " So." He said moving on. " Who are you gonna get to replace me." He put up a fake pout.

                        " I might just take Tina." Alec joked.

                        " Not in your life pretty boy." Tina called from the floor below there raised platform.

                          " Darn." Alec cursed while a smirk slipped onto his lips. " I guess that only leaves me one choice." Alec pretended to slump in his chair.

                         " And who would that be?" Joe asked.

                          " One of my good friends who's been itching to get out of this place."

                         " You can't take Sid." Mole said matter of factly.

                           " And why not." He asked.

                             " Because he's reckless." Mole answered.

                            " While so am I." Alec answered.

                              " Alec nobody believes that but Max and you know it." Joe rubbed his forehead with the back of his head. " Take Dee."

                            "Alright if I have to." Alec complained. 

      Dee a young X6 who did everything by the book was no fun to go on a mission with. Back at Manticore she had been a co which didn't explain much since Alec was a co as while. Alec of course was only pretending to sulk because he knew that with Dee's help that the mission would be complete without any unseen factors which his other choices would have no doubt caused. 

                          "I'll inform her in a few." Alec sighted. 

                          " All right then is that everything for to day?" Joe asked while looking around the table. " In that case your all free to go."  The group rose from their seats and scattered to their assigned tasks. 

                         Joe to the new hospital and Drix to his computers while Mole filled down stairs to his armory. Alec set out in search of Dee.

                          The fourteen year old wouldn't be that hard to find since she seemed to always be near the command center. Alec began his search at the new housing that Dee had last been seen working on with a group of other X6s. they had done a pretty good job of clearing the debris from the more sturdy apartments then finding furniture to but inside them so that the new inhabitants would have some things of their own to go to.

                       "Dee!" He called in to the tall brow building that used to be a hotel. Almost amenably the light haired youth appeared at the window of one of the rooms.

                       " Sir what do you need sir." She called down.

                        " Come down here solider." Alec called back up.

          Quickly the teen left her current job to go to Alec. Like most of Manticore's creations she respected and looked up to Alec. In this respect for him she obeyed ever thing he told her to do just like Manticore had programmed her to do.

           Dee stood up straight by his side in a matter of seconds with her hand up in salute.

           " At ease." Alec shouted a bit annoyed. " Dee listen to me your no longer at Manticore so you don't have to salute superior officers any more." He explained.

            " I know." The blond answered while waving her ponytail around as she moved. " So what do you want sir?" She asked right away.

             Alec gave the teen a stern look. " Don't call me that." The girl shrugged and Alec sighted. This was gona be one long heist. "Ok Dee now you've been chosen to go on a heist."

               The girl's big blue eyes shone with pleasure. " Thank you." She cried forgetting her training for a moment as she flung her arms around the older man. 

              " Whoa!" Alec exclaimed with a smile. " Easy there Dee." He laughed at the teen's redding-cheeks. 

              " Sorry." She mumbled. 

              " No need to be missy." Alec flashed her one of his smiles before informing her that she were to come with him to the command center at once. So Alec returned to his office with the X6 following on his heels like a little puppy dog.

              " Why did you avoid going past Max's office?" The girl asked once then were alone in his office. 

                Alec looked up from his plans in surprise. " I didn't avoid her office and besides she isn't even there."

                " I know that." Dee told him. " Cherry told me that she is in the isolation ward because she is in heat." The little girl informed him.

                  " That's right." Alec said.

       Over the next few hours the two went about memorizing the plans. During this time Alec learned that Dee was just like any other girl chatty.

A/N: What do you think? Next time it'll be the heist.


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